And now...a word from Lori

My heart dictates the drive home tonight...the long way.

Summit to John Ireland Blvd.

John Ireland Blvd. to Kellog

Kellog to Marion

Marion to Thomas

Thomas to Galtier

My drive along Summit after work is something I look forward to the most. It is quiet and my heart seeks rest.

My sweet truck gives me wings to fly and I blare Irish Penny Whistle tunes as I drive. And just as Saul's demons were kept at bay while David played the flute, mine are as well with the Penny Whistle. Or maybe it's that this Irish instrument is so much a part of my heritage? A part of my future? It will be arriving soon in the mail at least.

The church bells are ringing right now...12 o'clock midnight....my favorite. I feel like this time of night is when my heart is as it really should be. So quiet within me. So contemplative. So in tune with my Father.

"Don't cry Birdie", Joann says.

"Or if you must cry, cry happy tears. Only happy tears", she adds.


"Yeah, you are tan, Birdie, but you seemed so much happier this winter", Mel says.


I am so stuck between desiring to throw everything to the wind and appearing happy and carefree, and then wanting to face my demons, my fears, my wounds.

Yeah, I do look and act differently now but this is the real me with my real feelings and emotions. No medicine to cover them up. But I know the real me makes my friends and family uncomfortable.

"Please don't be sad."

Well, I am sad. Please don't tell me not to be. Please don't tell me to find someone else so that I can forget. It's not that my sadness is who I am. It is just this valley that I am walking through right now. I have come face to face with my sin and actions in the past. I have repented but I grieve. Have I lost it all for good?

The wind is blowing outside. Come blow in my heart, Holy Spirit. Refining fire be stoked and burn so hot and so bright that I melt like wax so that only You remain.

This is me. This is Lori. So random...aching...broken...but poured out like a fragrant offering to my God.

He alone is my salvation and my hope!

"With you" written by Stacy B

"When the rain brings the storm
I'll be the one that's with you
When you cant take no more
I'll be the one that's with you

I can see that your hurting
This is not something your deserving
You got to know that things happen for a reason
Check my intentions and baby please don't miss read them
Do I love
(yes)
Always forever
(yes)
I won't forget about you put me to the test
I know it's hard to grab what I'm layin
Please listen and listen to what I'm sayin

When the rain brings the storm
I'll be the one that's with you
When you can't take no more
I'll be the one that's with you
If ever you feel lost and afraid
I'll be the one that's with you
Never let anybody tell you different
I'll be the one that's with you

Can't you see that I'm hurting
This is not something I'm deserving
You gotta know that I, I have a dream
It's time to be me and do my own thing

Do you love you
(yes)
Thinking of me
(yes)
Can you trust that this is for the best
I know it's hard for me to let go
But let me wisper in your ear what I know for sure

When the rain brings the storm
I'll be the one that's with you
When you can't take no more
I'll be the one that with you
If ever you feel lost and afraid
I'll be the one that's with you
Never let anybody tell you different
I'll be the one that's with you

You, you never know what could happen
If in the future
I said you, you never know what could happen
between you and me
Let's take some time from you and me
Let us grow individually
I'll still be here for you
I can't forget about the one I belong to

When the rain brings the storm
I'll be the one that's with you
When you can't take no more
I'll be the one that's with you
If ever you feel lost and afraid
I'll be the that's with you
Never let anyone tell you different
I'll be the one that's with you.

Abe frolicks in the water with Super Girl

Pictures are sure to follow but I pulled my camera out only to realize that my batteries were dead...wah-wah:(

On a blessed day off, the agenda for the day was to find a way to lavish some love on my best man/boy friend, Abe. Ha ha ha

And how do you do that for that special dog in your life? All Abe needed was a kiddie pool full of water and our little neighbor, Tina, ready to splash.

Tina came out of her front door wearing a complete Super Girl costume. It reminded me so much of the costumes James and Lindsay wore to sleep in when they were little.

Abe splashed, Tina splashed, much fun and laughter was had by all.

Thank You, Father for sunshine and laughter to lift heavy hearts.

You are good!

Love always,
birdie

Romance and the Moon

It is late. I go to my windows to draw the blinds and the moon catches my eyes and draws the breath from my lungs all at the same time. Why is it that the moon moves me so? I am drawn to it.

I step out my front door and all is so achingly quiet. Everyone is inside sleeping and I hear God whisper, "It's just you and Me."

I walk around our front courtyard and feel the stress of the day melt away from me like hot wax too close to the flame.

How I wish I could always feel this way...standing so peaceful in the eye of the storm around me. And maybe I can stay this way. Maybe that is just what You're teaching me, Lord.

Love,
birdie

See the Father, behold the Father.

Tonight I worshiped God in a way somewhat foreign to me. My heart was breaking. I could feel the weight of loved ones that have not experienced the love of God and it made my heart cry. If they only could somehow understand that they can change these ashes in for glory, and wear forgiveness like a crown. He loves us. He loves us with a love that is so far beyond our comprehension. Greg Boyd once described it in a way that I could visually see, and physically relate to. He described the love of God like an endless ocean. Now imagine the ocean turning so that is now hovering over you, and in one instant it showers down on you, it funnels through your entire being so that every ounce of Gods love saturates you, and your trying to yell it's too much I can't take it anymore, but then another wave crashes through you, and you are now drowning in the love of God. It wasn't until this very night Gods loved pushed through me in a way that forced my body to speak his truth.

I once heard that music was given so that we may pray with out words. I believe dance was given so that we could experience the being of God, and move with him, submitting to Him in all His glory. Thank you love for your love encounter with me tonight.

"It hurts with every heartbeat"

These lyrics from our cd at work caught my attention. Never have I had words from a song so completely sum up the heaviness of my heart.

I long for my Beloved.

Day after day I pray and overcome, living each day always to bring my Father glory and yet, at the same time, I am so aware that I am missing a vital chunk of my heart.

And thank you, Jenny, for being such a constant cheerleader. This path I am walking can feel so lonely and so few people truly understand the intentions of my heart. Thank you for reminding me I'm not crazy when everything "seems" so impossible. I love you with all of my heart.

--------------------

I now try to ride my bike to work whenever I can. It serves as a stress reliever. I spend my 30-minute ride to work in prayer. It is a great way to prepare for the day ahead and also serves as a way of letting go of my cares at the end of the day.

I have been promoted to a leadership position at Jamba Juice and it is a totally new experience for me. I have ALWAYS followed....NEVER lead. Well, this Birdie was told to stretch her wings. So I stretch, and I ride when I can't fly.

Love,
birdie

A call to prayer

About a week ago, God sent a night hawk to nest near our apartment complex. How do I know this? Well, this night hawk flies overhead every night, speaking his strange night hawk language...beeeuut....beeeuut....beeeuut(or maybe that's what I think he sounds like).

Anyway, as I was laying in bed one night, God asked me to be praying every time I heard this night hawk....I will call him Harry. So Harry is my call to prayer and it's funny because he ALWAYS gets my attention. And then my heart thrills because I know God is using him to remind me to pray. For some people God uses bells, for me, night hawks:)

Love,
birdie