When my heart hurts

I don't know if it is because i am a dancer, but I find when my heart hurts the only thing that I really can do is listen to music that ministers to my soul. The music then leads me into movement that causes a canvas of different colors, not just constructed from music, but from splatters of raw emotions, and and fears that only movement can explain. I think that we have yet to really create a language that truly can communicate the honesty of the condition of the heart. So i dance.

The Call

"It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye"


God has been using this song to minister to my heart these last few days. It is full of faith and God brings it to my lips many times during my day. I thought I'd share the words with you and maybe if you ask me, I'll sing it for you sometime:)

Love,
birdie

It's the little things

My heart is heavy tonight. The wait feels so long.

I step out of my truck and I hear a single night hawk singing it's song as it flies over my head.

Flickering lights catch my eyes and I realize one of my neighbors is having a bonfire.

Off to my left, I hear fireworks...people celebrating the fact that it's Spring no doubt.

I walk to my front door and see a K-Mart shopping cart sitting out in our courtyard....so random that it makes me smile.

And then there's Abe's silhouette as he stands in our front window, wiggling at me, happy for the fact that I'm coming home.

It really is the little things, the little ways that God reminds me I'm living. And in each one of those ways, I feel His love for me. And sometimes, they're so small that if I'm not really looking, I'll never see them.

Thank You for giving me eyes to see and ears to hear, Father.

I love you too.

Love,
birdie

Showered by flower petals

Every morning, when we leave to go to work, Jenny and I feel like fairy princesses or new brides as we are showered with petals from the trees in our front courtyard.
It is a feast for the eyes as well as a balm to our hearts that can only come from the loving hand of our God and Father.

I have to say, God, that You put any man on earth to shame because the way You love us....well, let's just say...You hung the moon:)

"For you, my darling."

"Why, thank You, my Lord!"


Love,
birdie

"What would you do to see just one person saved?"

Jenny asked me this question last night.

My speech ceased and I sat down on a stool, put my head in my hands, and began to cry.

You see, Jenny's point was that it is well and good to go on mission trips and love on people around the world. BUT....what if there is just one person here in Minnesota God means for me to love into the Kingdom? And I'm not talking about love in the world's sense of the word. I mean love as in God's powerful, life-changing love.

And there is one person here. I have seen them and know them by name. I have dreams about them and cry out for them every day in prayer. But what if God is asking for more? He alone must be my Guide.

So...what would I do? Anything, my Lord!


Love,
birdie

I apologize that I have been the silent partner in this blog. There are so many excuses I could give for being so preoccupied with life, but none really compare. The truth is I have not been given words. God is changing and morphing my life to better fit his reality. While I am being tossed in the waves it is hard to spit out words that could possibly do him justice.

That all for now.

But the journey is just beginning :)

love,
*jenny

Made it to the wedding

Josiah and Kaiti get married. A lovely day for a wedding.



My little friend, Jenna Berry, got to try her hand at photography on my camera. I think she did an excellent job!



This time, my Bubbie got to meet Tom and take him for a test drive.



After witnessing so much pain in the lives of my loved ones back in Missouri, God totally poured His joy back into my heart by the sheer beauty of my drive back to Minnesota.


Love,
birdie

It's simply not about me anymore

May my life be poured out as a drink offering before my God.

I have seen much pain in the last month and most of it is not my own.
Our world says,
"Find your other half"
"Have 1.5 kids"
"Get a great job"
"Make lots of money"

I have seen marriages broken, leaving massive destruction in their wake.
I need God.
Countless children are orphans and desperately want to know they have worth.
I crave God.
I make just enough to get by but I get to love so many people where I am.
I am desperate for God.

I just don't care anymore. I am tired of this world. I want to see God's Kingdom reign in my life, I want to love as many people as I can before I die, and frankly, I would count it an honor to die a martyr's death for Christ. If that would bring Him glory, so be it.

Chains are falling off. This world is falling away and fading fast. My time here on this earth is short. How am I spending it?
Oh, Lord forgive me for my selfishness. Forgive me for not truly seeing. I desire You and I desire that my life would draw countless to Your Kingdom. I am nothing without You!

To God be all the glory!
Love,
birdie

Going to a wedding?

Mom! What are you doing out by the side of the road taking pictures?
It's ok, Hammie. I just had to get a picture of the sunset.



Momma gets to spend the day introducing herself to Tom. He scares her a little bit on the hills but they soon become fast friends.



Tom Bombadil now has a sweet friend to keep him company:) Thanks Momma!


So I made a decision as I stood behind the cash register at Jamba Juice. I was going to go to my friend's wedding in Missouri even if it was going to be a whirlwind trip.
I wanted to surprise my family too. So I found someone to cover my shift and high tailed it out of St Paul as soon as I got off work and packed Abe and some clothes into my truck. I got in late but everyone was so excited to see me and Abe and my heart overflowed with love for my family.
I got to "sleep in" and bit before I took a shower and started getting ready to got to Kaiti's wedding. I called her to tell her I was going to be an hour later than I thought and it was only then that the truth came out. Kaiti's wedding wasn't until Saturday!
Oh Birdie, you must say. Well, it just so happens that God had other plans up His sleeve in bringing me back to Missouri. I got to spend a total of 13 hours praying for loved ones as I drove, I got to listen to some life altering sermons on cd, I got to love on my Momma who had suffered a huge blow in putting her beloved sidekick, Arlie, to sleep a week ago, I got to hug my brothers and Daddy, Momma got to test her stick shift skills on Tom Bombadil, and we got to give Maddie a ride to remember in my truck as I laid in the back:)
It was a beautiful day in Missouri and I loved every minute of it. Another adventure of the same kind will take place on Friday and Saturday but this time, I'll get to see Kaiti get married!:)
Ha ha! God, You're so good! Thank You for teaching me each day not to take myself so seriously and that my plans aren't always Your plans:)


Love,
birdie

Words of Truth

"If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be that we're all ok. Not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. I won't be made useless on the island of despair. I'll gather myself around my faith that lights the darkness most feared." - Jewel

Jenny reintroduced Jewel to me on one of the first nights we had settled into our apartment. I learned things about Jewel that I never knew. I found out that she is a very strong believer and actually, if you listen closely to the words of her songs, you will know her life has been sanctified by Christ.

So, as I sit here and am ministered to by the beautiful voice of Jewel who sounds more like an angel, the Holy Spirit moves and leaps within my heart. How am I making use of my gift of song? Oh Lord, that I would represent Your Kingdom with my voice and draw countless dear ones to Your throne as I lift my head and sing! Release them from their shackles that they may fly straight into Your arms! And please, show me how I can pour my heart out in song even as I pour out my life before You as a fragrant offering. I love You and I am honored to call You my God and Father.


Love,
birdie

Jesus Room!

Today was my day off and it was my goal to get all of my things into the storage room and out of the room that Jenny and I both have designated "The Jesus Room". This will be our prayer room and place to get away from life to be with our Savior.
I achieved my goal but had hoped to get some paint on the walls too but that will have to wait until another day.
Today was a very productive day and my bed now calls to my aching muscles.
My deepest blessings to all!


Love,
birdie

The Adventure Begins

Both Jenny and I experienced a direct touch from God tonight at church and armed with wings of freedom, we were emboldened to begin making our apartment home.


Love,
birdie