Hobbit home

My heart is restless within me. My words are few and so I was hoping to find a photo to post, describing what my mouth can not.

I typed in: Compelling under Google images and as I scrolled down, my eyes fell on these images, and I found myself aching to crawl into this home....to be a little bunny rabbit in my hobbit home. I guess a place of peace even if there is a storm raging inside of me. Oh, and little goats grazing on my grassy roof too!

You just got to, because it's fun!

Sometimes there are no words. I just saw my friend Erika who I haven't seen since Christmas. She is a dancer from New York who is staying in MN for a few months. She is one of those soul mates you can go months with out seeing, but you pick up right where you left off. You can just sit and be still in the silence and there is a peace that requires no words.

As the day progressed we decided to go by the river and be still. After a few hours I was craving adventure. With my feet bare, and my heart open I began descending the cliff we were sitting on. I was going this way and that way being all crazy and hanging from different roots, and branches when all of a sudden this man jumps out in front of me. It caught me off guard because I was so focused on what I was doing I screamed. Then he screamed and apologized for scaring me. He was being a hard core rock climber. I looked at him and asked him aren't you scared to climb with out a rope, and he simply said, "You got to, because it's fun."

That really hit me between they eyes. You know when someone says something and the coin drops in the slot. When you are on adventures with God, and fully trusting him with no back up it is just simply more fun. And you know what they say, girls really do just want to have fun. :)

I ran with God

The tightly wound spring inside of me finally snapped tonight. I strapped on my running shoes, tightly knotted my hair on top of my head and put sole to pavement....or should I say I put flesh to pavement and "soul" into the hands of my God.

I started running and realized at one point I didn't know where in the world I was. That's when I heard God ask, "Do you want to take an adventure with Me?" With a mixture of laughter and tears, my answer was a yes as I put one foot in front of the other.

At some point, I started feeling my hair come undone, so I let it down and felt it fall down my back and as I ran, I heard God say, "Run, little stallion, run!" And He and I had a good laugh about that one:)

The world looked so different to me late at night and I had a sudden desire to always run late at night. I got to pray out loud and be silly and do things I wouldn't normally do if people could see me in the clear light of day.

As I got close to home, I was overtaken by a sudden urge to sprint. "I challenge you to a sprint", God says, "Are you ready?" I pumped my arms, lowered my head, and brought my knees up...pop pop pop pop pop pop. I felt like I was flying. And then the words, "Wasn't that fun? Aren't you glad We did that?"

Yes God. You are good. Thank You for running with me tonight.

Reading Momma to sleep

My Momma came up from Missouri to see me and Jenny get baptized. She stayed in town a couple of days afterwards and got to see a little glimpse of what my life's like now.

On the first night, Mom and I laid on my bed and talked, as Abe slept in between the two of us, until neither of us could understand the other because we were getting so sleepy.

On the second and third nights, I decided I wanted to read a special story to my Momma...The Princess Bride. This story has deep meaning to me and many sweet memories. So each night as I read, Momma listened until she fell asleep.

I'm glad I got to share that with her because a long time ago, someone else read the story of the Princess Bride to me and touched my heart in a way I will never forget. I hope Mom will be able to look back on these last few nights with a sweet fondness as well.

I love you, Momma.

Love,

Lori

I'm crazy about these kids

Everyone, I'd like you to meet my nieces and nephew....

Lily

Tessa

Asher

I love these kiddos more than I can say. I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like but my heart yearns to see their sweet smiles on a regular basis. My sister, Jessica and brother in law, Kevin make beautiful babies:) I hope sometime I get to show that whole little family off here in Minnesota! You guys would love them:)

Strong enough to break.

I think it is a tendency as humans to shut down when your heart is heavy. In those moments you try to be the face of strength and all knowing. You have confidence in what you are doing, and the strength to pull yourself through it. I have witnessed many women with this look of desperation. I can say as a woman it is by far one of the most unattractive faces we wear. It says I am fine. I don't need you, but I would submit to you that we were created to be relational beings. Beings that live in community with one another. Why do we feel we need to be fearless conquers of a world that is so far beyond our understanding. In our 3 1/2 pound brains we have more dendrites than there are known stars in the universe. Our own complexity is unfathomable to us, and yet I feel like I need to know, and understand why the world is the way it is. Why people hurt other people. Why people and governments find reasons to spend more money on killing people than feeding them. In my darkest hours I am on my knees sobbing saying, "I do not understand Lord. I do not understand."

In this present valley I treed through I draw close to my father. He is teaching me what it is like to be human. He had tenderly torn away the scabs, and juvenile patch up job I have performed on my heart. My wounds are exposed, and my fears given names. One by one he calls them out to be brought out into the light because it is only in that pure beaming light that I experience freedom from my guilt, and a love beyond belief. I think the fear that always holds me back is the fear of not making it through, not being strong enough to withstand it. But then I realize I am strong enough to surrender to the brokenness because I know that is not where the story ends. I am not the person I one day aspire to be, but I am in the best possible place to one day be that person.

I was once told that in order for their to be a shadow there must be great light, and though we may walk through the valley the shadows that loom are nothing compared to the great light they run from.

The Shack

I ordered this book about a month ago and I know it was one God laid on my heart to read. I got it in the mail today and after getting home from work and spending time with Abe and Jenny, I decided to start reading it.

It is now 3 in the morning and my time inside its pages has awakened something deep inside of me. The story is heartbreaking and at times, it is almost more than I can bear. BUT...I haven't gotten to the best part of the book yet....when my character meets God.

I start looking at my own life in light of this novel and I believe God is faithfully drawing my own issues with Him to the surface. I admit I am afraid to go into these waters. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes I get scared, sometimes I'm anxious but behind all of those feelings, I know God is wanting to birth something bigger in me. It feels almost like a surprise.

And now, looking back on the past 2 years here in Minnesota, I see just how passionately God has been seeking my heart...all of my heart. I know that He did not will it to happen all as it has....we live in an evil world, but my God is loving...He IS LOVE. He's already won the battle.

So I say to God, "Bring it on! I'm ready to step out of this boat, confidently walking across the waves, through the wind to You!"